The Theca

beloved witnesses , They ask, “ Who are you? ” And I reply,  “I’m just a girl looking for love.” Everything first starts with dishonesty in a world such as this. The empirical data that they need is outsourced to them so willingly. I, who is not looking for love desperately, and they, who think that my naivety covets them. Because the lamb knows what the slaughter looks like even if it has never been there. Caution never eludes it.  In its birth.  In its demise.  I once believed that it wasn't possible to be completely pretentious or to be entirely yourself. There is forever a struggle between trying to navigate the balance between both. But I think the true joy in this world of savagery, is keeping yourself at the core and not losing it to an unknown franchise.  Not losing it to the wind the world blows, and ones others carry. To know yourself at the core is to truly have control. Yours surely, Chile .

  dearest witnesses, As vou have become observers in whatever it is I have undertaken by constantly reading these letters, I truly hope we hold onto the memories of each other. I hope you mourn, rejoice, grief with and are understanding of me. It is truly an honour to have witnesses to my transformation. I do not take it with levity. My deep reverence has weighed so heavily on my spirit that I can scarcely discern the nature of my own desires. I will come back to that at a much later time. The insurmountable feeling of needing to keep women safe, loved, and respected is climacteric. Happiness shouldn't be a privilege at all, given that it has constantly been sacrificed on altars for eons. My Northern Star is the consolation of women. And though happiness is subjective, I want an overwhelming majority to never suppress joy. The key is never contentment, it is satisfaction. Just like our passions often dazzle us, the convenience of women never eludes me. I am deeply appreciative of t...

  I am sure I am not the only traveller on this road. And certainty doesn't bypass me further by virtue of the fact that humans tire. When we have become feeble, deprived, hungry and desperate for happiness, love and companionship, we become all of the ‘ nots .’  Grief, loss and anger.  Remember that the ‘ nots ’ do not mean we shouldn't have them. It means in this instance, the things we shouldn't be only full of. It means we should not bear those feelings alone on our journey. As Shakespeare posed in ‘Hamlet’, to be or whether not to be is the question. To choose not to be is hating yourself for not being the person you have determined and to be is having sleepless nights worrying if you are going to finish it like so. Both indeed lead to immeasurable sadness.  But that is the cruel loop. Damned if you try, hollow if you don't. Maybe the real war isn't choosing, it's surviving whichever one you do. When grief, loss and anger infiltrate our space so aggressive...

  most cherished, Upon attaining a clearer understanding of our current position, it seems almost trifling that I cannot come to a decision on what it is to write you. The week has held unsteadily, hurling my body into sickness and tossing my mind into layered thoughts as the storms would the seas in the tempest.  This week has been by far the most impactful. And though the horrors of sickness persist and the claims over my mind trudge forward, I await light and I seek beyond hope. Exhibitions required of me from my learned professor, as Aspasia would have required of Socrates, belaboured me enough to thrust me into the unknown sins of fear and anxiety and doubt. Tis’ a learning experience I must not forget. One, courteous and yet firm, I cannot be thankful enough. My heart aches unending, the loss of both a friend and a lover, will forever dim me. But there is joy in clarity, there is safety in sitting farther from the melting sun like Icarus. And with a broken spirit, I writ...

And just as  Nikki Giovanni says ‘ l ove means nothing unless you're willing to be responsible for those that love you and those in whom you love’ ; you cannot indeed bypass that threshold by holding in itself accountability. Their love will not shield you from your childish tendencies and your irresponsible remarks, infact they will expose you. This is not to say you are undeserving and you must work tooth and nail to be worthy of their love. It is to say, that you both will sustain each other, one another, feeding and growing until one believes they have outgrown the other or until one wishes to stop growing. The love in this sense is enveloping, yes but is stringent at times. It tugs for change. It demands attention. It appeals to growth. And if you do not hold on tightly to the reins of your rope, love will tow you hard as well and overwhelm you. So hold on tightly to the reins of this love, be accountable, be intentional. For this love isn't reserved only for lovers, it is...

I try to prove myself so hard in reality when I don't have to. I have the liberty to care little about something someone says. I have freewill to ignore the actions of ‘independents’ Or can I not? Is this about acknowledgment? Maybe it’s my attempt at grasping poetic gratification. That the meaning of life could be bent into several meanings? Or philosophic acknowledgment? Is this about my pride? My lack and want? This certainly isn’t about my peace. It is about my hypocrisy. I speak but my lips and words do not tally. I say I feel but I am only curious- testing your waters, your boundaries, testing you. But what fun is it when people know what they're getting into?